I am ME

It’s a wonderful day today.
We just went though our team building and everything was fun.
It’s a great escape from work and from the busy city.
It’s also a team building for some teams within our account
We went to El Salvador, within Danao.
A treat from an account where I work for (thanks Boss Lai)
The food was great and the place is so relaxing that I don’t want to go home.
But, work is waiting for us so off we have to go. Hehehe.
I have yet to upload some pictures in my Friendster page and grab some other pictures
From my officemates. I’m not so much in to multiply, it’s still an online community because
I just really want to maintain one account. I do have an account there but I don’t get to update
It on a frequent basis.

I’ve learned a lot during our team building because we conducted some activities.
I got to know myself better and I became aware of some things that I need to work on.
It made me realized that there is something in me that I need to expose, A little bit.
I am known to be a very silent and a discreet person.
I don’t talk, I prefer to be alone and I don’t want to get attention.
I feel that I can work at my best if I’m alone.
I don’t mean to undermine the people around me.
I don’t have any problems working with my team.
I conform to what’s the thing that we need to agree on.
I don’t have questions, if I do mostly that would be work related.
The team building made me realize the REASONS behind this.
I feel most grateful to have known myself better.
I don’t want to create conflict. In fact I hate it.
I don’t talk because I don’t have anything to share.
I don’t want to make up things just for me to be able to share anything.

Sometimes, I know my being silent is a hindrance to a/some dynamic relationship/s.
I agree. I’m aware of that. But I am contented of myself and I don’t want to change just because it’s a risk to my social life.
We have individual preferences, and I know people are intelligent enough to understand that we are different from each other.
What will make you happy may not be the same for me.
I’m open to criticisms and I find it very constructive for a person’s personality.
It’s difficult to change but I’m trying. All along I’m aware of the wonderful people around me.
They put a smile in my face even if I’m just in the corner.
They make me worry when I hear they have problems.
They make me close to tears also when they are crying.
Even if I’m just in a corner, silent and busy doing her own thing.
If people cant accept me for who I am. It’s ok.
All I need is to be respected of who I am even though I’m like this,
Just as I respect other people for who they are
Even if they are Entirely different of me.

Whitey

It’s one of the precious gifts I ever got.
It was given to us by a priest and I was so delighted.
I’ve never seen a creature that has the blackest round eyes
The rest of his body is purely white. With some cute gray spots
In his stomach. I loved every inch of him.
I know he was afraid when I tried to touch him first.
I sensed fear in those black eyes. But I patiently waited until that
Day he came near me. That moment was unforgettable.
We seldom see each other because during that time because I live in our university dorm.
I got to see him only once a week.
A friendship grew between us. I couldn’t care less if I talk and he doesn’t talk back.
His gestures and movements are enough for me to understand that somehow he knew.
He follows me everywhere. On my way to the farm, in the house.
Even wakes me up in my room when I don’t feel like waking up early.
I beat him sometimes for the nasty things he do
But I love him.
It was like that way for three years.
I wondered one day when I did not see him after I got back from school.
I just though he went somewhere else with the other dogs around our area.
But I saw him in one corner in the house, awake but he’s not moving.
I can see his eyes tired, red around its corners. I know he’s sick.
I cared for him like I’ve never cared for anything before but I have to leave in the meantime
To go to school, I wished he’ll be alright then. I wanted his strength to come back.
I was relieved to see him alive and well when I went home. But he’s still lying around one corner
His eyes are still red and he grew so thin.
It made me cry.
I couldn’t afford to see him like that. But I did not loose hope
Although I was frightened something in me is saying I’m going to loose him.
Forever.
I talked to him the day I have to leave for school. I told him he’ll always be my favorite dog.
And that I love Him. I noticed his ear move and I know he’s listening.
I came home a week later and I kind of expected that they are going to tell me he’s gone.
He passed away just in time I left him a week earlier.
I felt weak and I missed his presence. I missed him until it hurts. Until I cried.
They buried him in the backyard where a fruit tree now grows
And I know I just can’t forget him. It has been six years then.
Still I haven’t forgotten him. Whitey. A very common name for an extraordinary dog.
Today is the day he was given to me.

What's the Drama?

I do agree. Money can’t buy everything.
Life’s best things are for free.
I’m feeling lonely and desperate right now,
I wanted to break free. I need to go home.
Home is such a wonderful place for me.
It brings out life’s simplicity. It completes me.
Not that living in the city is a mistake.
A lot would even disagree; Urban life is a sign of
Modernization and progress. But I’m not raised in this way.
I feel like I’m still looking for a niche in this environment.
It doesn’t make me happy, but it gives me the perks.
Something not everybody can have.
What is holding me back is the thought that it’s a lifeline for me
To be here, to survive even if you want to give up. Even if your heart Is yearning for something... Even if’s have buts.Consideration, Survival. Life is not always living the way you want it to
You have to bear what life sometimes offers you. It’s not easy but who said its always easy though?
I wish I have a choice.
But now, I know I don’t.

Must Be Crazy

Not everyday is a good day.
Today I’m mad because I’m feeling lazy.
Now do you feel lazy too?
The feeling sucks. I want to get rid of the laziness
But it’s here and it’s taking over me tonight.
I wasted a day of my off. Because I think I just need a rest
Complete rest. Yeah. Like I haven’t these past few weeks.
Resting physically but I’m tired. Emotionally.
I don’t know why. There are things that I want to do but I can’t.
It’s crazy. I got to get back to my senses.
I need to.
I can do it.
*sigh

What’s with the 8?

I was born on the 8th of December 1984.
I was supposed to be named Maria Immaculada…. Maria Concepcion… Maricon, but my mother loved Michelle
And so I’m Michelle.
My mobile number has a lot of 8’s…. 09282628985. (See?)
My employee id number has a number 8.
My log in id has a number 8.
I was hired in my job April 28th.
My atm number has a number 8
My credit card has a lot of number 8’s.
I took up my first exam at work at 8am.
I was interviewed at 8pm
My first shift was at 8 pm.
Of all the shifts that I had 8 pm is the most common shift I have.
My father died on August 8.
August is the 8th month of the year.
I said yes to my first boyfriend on August 18.
August 18 is the birthday of my ex bf.
I always win when my contestant number is number 8.


Now what’s with the 8?
Simple… lucky or unlucky 8 is my number.

My life (What You May Not Know) Part I

Born in a busy city, grew up in the rural areas, Stubborn. Willful. Impatient. Sealed lips but with a racing mind.
Prefers to go with a few rather than with the many.Sensitive but tough. Has a tendency to spoil. Hates Math. Failed in math related subjects.Took up Development Communication back in first year college.Failed the Screening
Took up Agricultural Development but took the second screening for Development Communication Passed and proceeded with Development Communication.Loves everything about my Course majored in Broadcasting.Joined the School Publication assigned as a News Editor.Silent in class but will answer if attention is called.Prefers essay types of tests rather than identification and other types Hates teachers who live by the book.My silence means no.I have reasons for everything.Wish I could be blunt.An Ineffective Liar.My Family is my weakness My father died when I was in college. He died while working in Africa.Failures for me before I worked was like being very dumb.Failure for me now is gaining more strength and acknowledging that some things happen for a reason.Work motivation: the perks, the fulfillment, the maturity.

Fling.

He’s my textmate and I like him. LIKE. No demands, no talk about love nothing. He’s just a fling. It happened when I showed up on behalf of another friend.It’s crazy but yeah I was convinced to do it. Boy, oh boy, I’m heading to trouble hhahaha! And so I met him, a total stranger! Stranger my face! Came out he’s a guy from a neighborhood barrio and from a neighborhood school. I’m taller than him but he’s got good looks. Great, something I could well… get along with. What’s nice is we don’t have any demands we just talk talk and talk and we listen to music together with his ipod that he brings wherever he goes we stroll along the beach we had a really nice time and then came the bomb. He has a girlfriend right in our very school. It turned me off completely but as I’ve said its ok we both knew the relationship was not for keeps it’s just a fling. God, I wouldn’t be surprised if somebody would pick a fight in me at the middle the road.

My Heart’s Revelation Part III

He texted me again and there it all began. We don’t dwell so much in knowing each other, because it’s so easy to know him without asking him myself.

It felt awkward for me to know the person personally, and so I never asked. Didn’t. We talked about anything under the sun till he got to the point of confession.

And I know somehow I feel something special to, that something I could not explain. I’m willing to take a risk. And so it all started… a new beginning for me!

This might be it.

My Heart’s Revelation PART II

He came like an unwanted guest in the house, where the pain was still fresh and all I needed to do was to be alone. His aura is something That challenged me. I met him in a rainy night, when I went home to celebrate my birthday. They were stuck in the rain since the vehicle They were riding along with a friend had an engine problem and so we met there in the vehicle where I was also riding. We have been civil to each other; I’ve known him since we were little kids but never got the chance to mingle because we don’t go to the same school, we don’t have anything in common that could lead us together, but that night was different and it allowed me to forget something that I’ve wanted to forget, all along all these months. He was an answer to my prayer. I did not expect anything from that meeting and from the conversation that we had but somehow seeing him excites me. But I did not hope for anything to spark, I’m still hurting and it hurts damn too much. His message came one afternoon from out of the blue, he texted me and told me he’s returning my umbrella, oh yes! I forgot,. He borrowed my umbrella during the night that we met. I even wondered where he got my number, said he got it from a common friend of ours, when I was on my way to school I dropped by his house to get my umbrella but his mother was the one who gave it to me because he Wasn’t there. And I don’t know why but I felt a little disappointed because I wasn’t able to see him… to be continued…

My Heart’s Revelation PART I

The day he told me he’s not choosing me, it’s like it’s the end of my happy days. I fought for him till the end, but he Doesn’t want me anymore, it took me long to realize that one, or maybe I was blinded by my own emotions that I did not See it coming or did not realize that the reality hit me, like a slap in the face, wanting me to let go because it’s enough, because it’s not right anymore. With tears streaming through my cheeks, I nodded and wished him well, even though my heart was bleeding even if it hurts so much to see him go. But I lost. And I thought maybe I’m not going to get over him, ever. Advices don’t seem to work for me, not even the most brilliant idea of diverting my attention to ease the pain to forget but the heart is such a fierce competitor, the more you want to forget, the more it haunts you with all those memories with all those wonderful times, where all the love that you’ve known existed. It hurts but time has been very patient with me, and I loved every single bit of the hurt that I feel because it made me stronger, the more I though I loose the more I wanted to win not in love but in the accomplishments and in the endeavor I have to take. Nobody can help me but me because no one can understand what I have been through…. I swore I won’t allow myself to let somebody hurt me until he came and everything began to change again…. To be continued.

Change

My work schedule has been adjusted to an earlier time, not so much of a hassle in coming in to the office because its vacation time for students, and somehow there's less traffic. Anyway, its just around 30 minutes at my usual time earlier than my original schedule. It feels great to be working right now, here in my station, taking calls and chatting a bit. hehehe. Deleting mails from my inbox and thinking about numerous things that I need to do in the days to come. I skipped gym for over 2 months now and I think I need to go back again to that routine. I dont feel in any way healthy right now so I must need to get back to the right track. Can I for the second time around?

A Meeting that Led to a Cold War

I met with my ex boyfriend last Sunday. I don't want to mention ex though because he's more of a friend right now to me. A confidante. thats it. My boyfriend did not speak for a day because of our meeting. Jealous but there's really nothing to be jealous of. We remain friends throughout those years of existing and non existent communication. Besides, ending a love affair does not mean an end of a friendship.Break ups are rather considered as a make or break situation.. to keep the treatment cordial and civil or rather not to speak with each other for the rest of your lives.wheew, now thats heavy. But I choose to be still friends with him because theres really no point of beign a stranger to someone you've known for how many years of
your life.

Lost in Space

I've been feeling lost these days. My mind wanders a lot lately and it seems like It's working on its own. The days just pass by like nothing really cared.Not even the most imporatant things in my life.. or persons.. Does this also happen to you? Like you're left with nothing but your own self wanting to let go of something you dont even know. Well, maybe soul searching is the right word for me to divulge in to. I want to know where I'm going from here. I wanna know what sense do I make in my own self. I'm lost and I dont know what to do. Help me before this gets even worse.